Monday, July 27, 2020
Grey and Other Colors
Grey and Other Colors For those of you curious about life after MIT, I recently wrote this blog to share some of my thoughts. Ive gotten lots of love and feedback from fellow alums who have felt similar things. Its a reminder that MIT truely is a special place- alive at all hours with people tinkering and filled with some of the most passionate people youll ever have the pleasure of getting to know. Hope it provides some perspective from life on the other side of the beaver (we flip our brass rats around after graduation). A couple weeks ago, my friend pointed out that I had finally hit the 6 month mark at my job. Wow. Well here we are. 6 months of moving to a new place, falling in and out of love with SF, trying to stay afloat in the deep end that is my job, and connecting with polar opposites that become your closest friends. This is life- itâs messy, unexpected, and beautiful all at the same time. Recently, Iâve been thinking a lot about time and how Iâve been spending it. Happiness and how people think about it. Where I am and where I want to be. Sometimes things happen in life that shock you into the reality of the situation, and you wake up at 3 AM in a cold sweat that things have to change. This is an attempt at verbalizing the thoughts in my mind. My words donât feel refined, eloquent, or polished at this point, but everyone has to start somewhere. Life is grey. Life isnât always black or white. Itâs some murky combination of many things: things that make you smile, things that make you want to crawl under a rock, things youâre too naive about, things that perplex you. Iâve never felt that more than now. Having just graduated from school, Iâve felt restless thinking about one question: âWhatâs next?â When youâre a student, youâre driven by the mentality of getting into a good school, completing your degree, landing a great job, etc. Now that Iâm out on my own own, I thought this would be it. Iâd have my own life, pursue my hobbies frequently, and be happy with my work. Turns out the answer isnât that simple. I often find myself trying to find an optimal solution, when in fact there are very different solutions which canât be compared on the same scale. People ask where I see myself next if now isnât desirable. Honestly, I have no idea. Itâs an uncomfortable feeling, and Iâm still searching for a direction. For now, Iâm just trying to embrace the unknown and let the chance experiences and adventures serve as a guide for whatâs next. Live in colors. Life may be grey. But that doesnât mean you should live your life grey?â"?emotionless, thoughtless, passionless, and complacent. My job has been an interesting experience to say the least. I have many thoughts about it, but at the heart of the issue, I think itâs quite simple: I donât believe in the impact of my work, and Iâm not challenged in the same sense I was at school. Iâm fortunate to be at one of the worldâs best technology companies, but one can only get so excited about making technology for technologyâs sake. Perhaps there are avenues to challenge myself in new ways, but as it stands, I am a project manager who doesnât ever get to touch the skills and knowledge that I spent 4 years cultivating at MIT. Additionally, my job has completely monopolized my individual freedom at night. Turns out working with people on the other side of the world means you have conference calls at every hour of the day, making planning things after work virtually impossible. For a while, I accepted this as my reality, letting my work define who I was. I stopped doing the things I used to find joy in: running, taking photos, cooking, wandering around the city, meeting new people. I donât think I realized this until I gained some perspective from an uncomfortable discovery. When did I become so boring? I felt stripped of all the personality I had from doing the things that made me happy. (Interestingly, many of my friends from MIT felt the same way about post-graduation life.) What was stopping me? On some level, it was burnout. Working 2 shifts leaves you in a numbing state where you want to work on mindless activities like TV or browsing aimlessly on the web. But on a deeper level, I realized it was myself. Drive was never something I felt like I missed at MIT. Iâd stay up late consistently to finish things to the best of my ability while making time for the activities that I enjoyed. Why did that have to change here? I needed to get over my inertia and get out the door. Youâre as boring as you let yourself be. I realized that if I didnât make time for these things, Iâd let all the negative things in my life win. I started biking and running in the morning. I lived in the moment when spending time out with friends. Taking conference calls in transit to events that I was going to make work regardless of work. Work will always be there. Donât let it define you. Life will always impose constraints which are beyond your control. Itâs up to you to make time to do the things you want to do. My work often has me working at night, so Iâve started going into work later to use the mornings to work on my own projects and exercise. Comfortable is dangerous, but well⦠comfortable. Everyone talks about how this is the point of our lives where we should go out and dare to do something different. Going outside of your comfort zone is hard. Especially if youâre the kind of person who feels like they have to be prepared for Situation A, B, C, and the 0.001% chance of D. The other day, I was out with a friend (living life dangerously at a ramen shop in the Tenderloin) when he asked me why I hadnât travelled more if it was something I enjoyed. Honestly, I didnât have a good answer. Always reflecting I suppose. On my bike ride home, I realized it was because I live my life too safely. Within my comfort zone. I talk myself out of things I want to try because itâs easier. Iâll take the same route instead of exploring a new part of my neighborhood. I wouldnât take advantage of time I had abroad because it seemed like planning a trip would take so much time and energy. I didnât start conversations with people because it would be a hassle to find a mutual time that worked. But thatâs a bad way to live life. The best experiences, Iâve had so far have been because Iâve taken a risk: picnicking on Dolores as midnight, breaking out my spiralizer (my mom insisted this was something I neededâ¦), having an awkward conversation with my manager, impulse buying a nice road bike. These experiences have opened doors and connections to new areas of my post-grad life that Iâm looking forward to help me get to somewhere new and exciting. So hereâs to stepping outside my bubble a little more. Saying yes more on an impulse. Wandering for the sake of exploring. Being up for a good challenge. Embracing the awkward. Having more confidence. Adding more color to my life.
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